THE THINGS WE REMEMBER.......THE THINGS THEY FORGET

We moved to My Old Country House in April of 2004

...almost 8 years ago.

My children were 3, 5 and 7.

It was a sweet time. All the times are sweet, but this was a particularly sweet time.

I had one child in First grade... a big boy. My sweet baby girl was in Kindergarten

...and the baby boy, the perpetual baby...was just 3.

My little buddy. Cooper.

So today, I was driving my buddy, now 11, to his indoor soccer game which, if you have not had the pleasure... is one part soccer, one part Jai-lai and one part Dodge ball (for the fans).

..and I took a short cut through our old neighborhood.

Taking for granted that he knew it was our old neighborhood, I did not mention it until we were driving past our old house. 

"There's our house!" I said.

and he said " Thats where we lived?

"Don't you remember it?" I asked.

Without hesitation, he said "No."

in the driveway...at the old house...

I was dumbfounded. 

We have driven past the old house so many times. 

And all along I thought he knew it was his house! 

In fact, I am almost certain that he DID know it even a few years ago. 

This is the only other house he has lived in...the house he came home to when he was born. 

The house where he learned to walk and talk and be a person. 

Yes, I know, he was a baby. but I have been here, right by his side, remembering all of it, 

days like they were yesterday...

heck, I still worry about things that have long since past and people who have long since gone

 and he is so completely totally living his little life in the moment, right next to me, 

that he has absolutely no connection to the past...

That part I have been powerless  to freeze or

even slow down.

I feel like I live in the moment, but am I really doing that?

Sometimes, I am looking in a drawer, and I run into a tiny sock, 
no bigger than my thumb and I have to 

remind myself, it fits no one...just the baby that used to live here.

I remember when my kids were tiny, being terrified to go away from them. I would worry...

that if something happened to me, that they would NOT remember me

and now my worst fears are confirmed...they don't. 

...in the driveway of the old house...on their bikes...

Once, when I had just One tiny baby, I was at the mall with a friend. 

We were sitting in the courtyard, in our 
perfect baby, all the biggest messes stayed in the diapers...

we still had huge crushes on our husbands..BLISS...
.and we could not imagine being happier...

...into our peripheral vision...burst a Cannonball of a Mom, dragging a screaming child, 
he was  10 years old, maybe 6...realistically probably 4 ...I had no frame of reference...
they all looked so big...TOO big to me, and the Mom looked at us, 

she paused, and smiled and said 

"Enjoy it now girls, before they can talk!!!"

It was such an assault on our bliss... and I remember thinking

"DON'T make it go too fast!I don't want this to end."

the refrigerator Box house...in the old back yard.

I wish I could just enjoy it more without constantly reminding myself..or being reminded that 

the meter is running and that the ride is over halfway done.

Why do I do that?

It's not like I look at my dog everyday and think;

"Oh woe is me, at best you have another 8 good years..." 
That would be pathetic. So why can't I just be happy for who we are.
Especially when I know  full well that in a few short years 
THIS exact place where I stand, will be
what I am nostalgic about...
THIS will seem little. 
And Perfect.
When I pack them in the car to go to college...
THIS is what I will miss.
And I wonder...will they remember it?

this?...